No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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