Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
