After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
