Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
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I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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