TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My cat gives me a boner
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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