My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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