my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
