When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
