You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
