it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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