I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
