Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
