Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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