My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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