remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
