why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
