can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
