i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism