Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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