escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..