Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.