So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
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He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
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Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs