he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
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Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
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you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
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