Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Gay?
German.
Pity.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
