never play flip cup with pint glasses
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
