I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
