There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
two words: eviction party
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
