Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There r osticjed everywhere
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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