I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
ugly people sure do ruin things
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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