Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
we're so committed to being not committed
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
