how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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