THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
