mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
