Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
