Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So vagazzling was a success
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
