so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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