god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
