I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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