it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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