I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
