I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
