Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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