I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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