PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
