I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
