ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
