I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
