Pants 0. Shit 1.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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