You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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