I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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