I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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