before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
