turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize