I want to make a zoo with you.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
