they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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