dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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