I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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