i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
