Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
