Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
