half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
