Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
